I get inspired to write from the least obvious of things, I was driving home today from work and before I pulled off, I whipped out an old mixed CD I made and on came Ciara’s song “My Goodies,” I was jamming all the way home! I think I must’ve played that song twice before getting out the car. So now I’m home and thinking of a post to write and the song popped back into my head hence the title for my post! LOL
I have this cool app on my iPhone called Soundhound and you can find any song that comes on the radio and most of the time the lyrics are available as well. Now I know all the words to the song but for some reason while I was at the red light I was reading the lyrics as I sang along. One of the main lines that Ciara drives home in the song is “I know you want the goodies… if you’re looking for the goodies keep on looking ’cause they stay in the jar…” then I got to thinking, what should a man have to do before being eligible to get the goodies from a girl’s cookie jar? He’d really have to be worth it, right? I mean your goodies are far too valuable than to go offering them to just anybody so what should you know about him before you deem him eligible to give him the goods??
Now I know there’s this semi truthful myth that a woman knows if she is going to sleep with a man within 5 minutes of meeting him. I think that a woman can definitely tell within a few minutes of meeting a man if there are vibes that could make her quickly think “yeah… it could happen” but I think that thought is so superficial because it’s based off of nothing but physical attraction! Your “goods” are worth more than a 5 minute once over so I would think even with the thought in the back of your mind that he doesn’t have to try so hard that you should still make him earn it. And for your own safe keeping you need to find out what this guy is all about!
I’m not going to tell you ladies to implement a specific timeframe but I think that women really ought to start “guarding their grill” and making dudes “knuckle up” so to speak. Give more value to yourself and what you possess because I can guarantee if you look back at your past you might notice that there’s a pattern of you saying, “if I had known this would happen I would not have done it!” or “if I had known this about him, then I wouldn’t have bothered!” Save yourself the IF and find out what the problem or if there is a problem BEFORE you sleep with him.
So here goes my incomplete list of what I MUST KNOW about him before I seriously considered giving him ANYTHING:
- Full Name
- Does he have any children? How many? What are their ages? Where are their mothers?
- Where does he live? Is he living at home with his parents? I must have visited in the home several times during different hours of the day and different days of the week. (cause you never know, dudes think they are slick)
- Does he have a job? Benefits? What’s his professional plan?
- What does he want for himself? In the next 6 months, year, 5 years?
- When was his last relationship? Why did it dissolve? Assess whether his reasons were pointing the finger solely at her or did he accept responsibility for his part?
- What are his intentions for me? Is this casual? Is he looking for something serious?
- Does he want to get married?
- What are his religious/Spiritual beliefs?
- Has he been hurt before? By whom? How long ago? Has he healed?
- What’s his relationship like with his family? Did he grow up with both parents? What was their relationship like? How does he treat his mother and his sisters, if he has any?
- What are his friends like? Do you trust the friends? Are they guys that you would introduce to one of your girlfriends?
- How does he handle himself in tough situations? Can he communicate his feelings well?
There are so many pertinent questions and things to find out from a man before giving yourself to him. I know some of the things that I mentioned are like really?? Yes really, you’d be surprised how many times you have jumped in the bed before knowing simple things about the man, then you want to ask questions afterwards. Nope, that’s not the way to handle that!
There are a few things that he must do to be deemed acceptable to drink from my cup:
- He must court me meaning he must woo me, sweep me off my feet and actually date me. That means out to restaurants and events outside of the home. He must show interest in learning about me and what it takes to make and keep me happy.
- He must be sincere honest, true to his word, consistent and just a good person.
- He must share in the same beliefs that I have and he must want the same things from life that I do.
Being that these are some pretty deep things that I feel one must know before taking the plunge you can get a sense that the time frame isn’t 2 weeks. I know that you are all grown women and have your own needs however I encourage you to satisfy yourself mentally by getting to know him before you give in to temptation. Try it out and tell me how it goes. What are some things that I didn’t mention that you think are good things to know before giving up the goodies?