I have some exciting news about my recent endeavors.  I know that most of you know me just by my blog but I’ve never really divulged my other talents.  My creativity started with music.  After stepping away for a while to focus on family and creating a life for my family I’m back at focusing on my music with an emphasis on the lyrical aspect.  When I was younger I wanted to be the star on the stage performing but now I am more interested in songwriting and creating good music.   

I have created a publishing company, Zarinah Music Group and have just released my very first single, entitled Escape, written and performed by yours truly that you can purchase everywhere you purchase music online including iTunes and Cdbaby!  Please support me in my venture to pursue my dreams.  You can find me on Twitter @iamZarinah on Facebook at http://therealjspot.wordpress.com/wp-admin/www.facebook.com/Zarinah-music-group/187943247934488 and on my website www.zarinahmusicgroup.com

Click below to download and purchase my single Escape! I’ll be back with a new article on love and relationships soon!  Let’s gooooooo!
www.cdbaby.com/cd/zarinahlivingston

Have you ever been in a long term relationship, one that you thought that you would be in for the rest of your life and then that dream crashed and burned and you were thrust back into the dating world and don’t know what to do or where to start?

At some point after you dry your tears and mend your broken heart you will have to face the inevitable and begin to get back out there and date.  As most women do when we shed dead weight, we get a new hair-do, try out some new makeup, buy a new wardrobe and even shed a few pounds in preparation to meet the next Mr. Right.  Once all that is done, it’s back to kissing frogs and hoping that one of them will reveal their true identity as a prince!

From experience I know that the dating game isn’t very fun… I mean I guess that it can be eventually once you get into the groove of things, but from one serial monogomer to another you get tired of the “first dates”, the awkward moments of silence and trying to figure out if they like you or not, or even more importantly if you like them!  And what about this whole internet dating craze??? I know it’s not “new” but the ability to hide behind a computer screen and make yourself appear however you want to appear is an even scarier thought!  How do you know that this person really looks like the pictures on their profile? How do you know if that person really works where they say they work or drive what they say they drive or doesn’t really live at home rent free in his mom’s basement????? GASP!!

In my humble opinion dating SUCKS!  That is until you finally meet someone who’s worth all the frogs you had to kiss in order to get him… that’s when you look forward to going on a date and having flirty conversation and making a connection with someone.  I guess when dating you have to take risks, go out with someone that you may not normally go out with, try to meet someone where you may not normally frequent.  I come from a world of sales, and our motto is the more no’s you get the closer you are to getting a yes!  So just because you’ve had a a few too many “first dates” continue to be open minded and keep in the back of you head that you are that much closer to meeting he who was made perfect for you!

Happy Dating!

MzCeo

One day almost 11 years ago while at school, I was standing outside chatting with some friends.  Along came a guy who was entering into the building.  I looked at him and he at me and I was instantly attracted, however I kept my conversing with my friends, thinking nothing of it.  Then all of a sudden I heard an “excuse me, excuse me…” coming from the direction he had walked, I turned around only to find the guy who had just walked by trying to get my attention.  ”Yes,” I answered and do you know what his opening line was? “You know you shouldn’t be smoking right?” I said “excuse me?” He had no problem repeating himself with a smile on his face, he said “smoking stunts your growth!” I laughed a flirty laugh and said “well I’m 5′ and I think I’ve stopped growing some time ago so if I shouldn’t be smoking, I think there are other reasons you could have come up with!” He laughed it off and asked if I could come inside out of the cold and have  conversation with him and I obliged.

Five minutes into our conversation, I knew there was something different about him, than any other guy I had ever met but I wasn’t quite sure what it was yet.  When it was time for me to go to class he asked if he could walk with me, so that we could finish our conversation and he carried my things.  While watching his lips move and hearing him speak I wasn’t really listening instead I was thinking to myself… “he is really a nice guy and sooo cute!” When we got to my class we realized that we hadn’t exchanged numbers but class was getting ready to start so he said he would come back at the end of class so that we could do so.  Instead of concentrating on my work I was stuck thinking about him and how we had the best conversation that seemed like it was hours but really it was only a few minutes and I anxiously waited for class to be over to see if he’d really show back up… and HE DID!  He came in my class with his number already written down and asked me for mine. Once again he was a gentleman and helped me with my books and walked me to my car.  The next day was a Friday and he asked if we could hang out and of course I said YES!

Needless to say after a few dates and really getting to know this man I realized what it was about him that was so different from any other guy I had previously dated.  He was actually a man and not a boy!  He was established, confident, had a military career, intelligent, owned property and did I mention that he was CUTE? He was nearly everything on my list of wants and needs wrapped in a beautiful package of a man and most of all there were characteristics of him that reminded me of my best friend, my father.  How could I not fall hopelessly in love with him?

Through the years, like any relationship we’ve had our struggles but it’s only made us stronger.  In him, I have found a comfortable place that is so secure there is no place I’d rather be.  Nearly 8 months ago he popped the question after spending a relaxing day together.  We had gone to my parents’ house to pick up our son and when we were just enjoying each other’s company he whipped out a little black box and the room was silent as we weren’t quite sure what was happening.  Then my father yells out “HOLD IT!” ran and got the camera and then signaled for him to proceed.  By this time my mom and I were in tears and he got down on one knee and asked for my hand in marriage in front of my three most special people in the world to me my Mom, Dad and Son and through all of my tears I managed to get out a YES!  To think I met my future husband in the very same place my mother met my father, over 35 years ago.  We attended the same University my parents did and met in a similar way, except my mom wasn’t smoking! LOL Needless to say, if we’re taking a cue from my parents we have a long, happy, blessed and successful marriage ahead of us!  AND I no longer smoke and I am the happiest girl ever!

Just the other day, we entered into The Ultimate Wedding Contest, to win a dream wedding package sponsored by Crate and Barrel and after sharing in our story we ask you to please vote.  You only need to vote once and pass this love story on.  My prayer is that as you pass this on and share in our love that the man or woman who God has for you manifests as your heart desires and that you will be happy, blessed and prosperous in every area of your lives.  To the involved and/ married couples that are voting for us and passing this on, my prayer is that your marriage is blessed, fruitful and that your relationship be an example to others.  God created marriage and so it is good!

We love you for your votes!

Click the link below:

http://www.ultimateweddingcontest.com/entry/142618

Thank you!

MzCeo (soon2bMrs.B)

Little things that you used to do for your man like come to bed without the scarf and baggy t-shirt, or the back rub you would give him when he got home from work.  Remember when you would stay up and wait for him to get home so that you can listen to him tell you about his day? Or how you would make his favorite meal for him just because.  How about when you would wash his hair and massage his scalp? There are certain things that you did for him that you may not be doing anymore now that you “have” him. Little do you know those very things were the things he fell in love with and craves for.

Guys,think about the things you did for her that you may not be paying so much attention to anymore.  When was the last time you took your girl on a spontaneous day trip like you used to while you were dating? Or when was the last time you held hands and walked and spent time enjoying each other? Whatever those “little things” are that aren’t being done now seem so significant when you don’t have them anymore.

Have you ever gotten to a place like in Kandi’s song and say to yourself, “I’m going to leave you for someone who is doing all of the things you USED to do?”

The truth is the things you did to get him/her are the things you need to continue to do in order to keep him/her.  When you start off a relationship you always put your best foot forward, however you don’t want to start off the relationship by setting the bar so high that it’s impossible for you to maintain.  It’s natural as things come up in life you get preoccupied with work, family and other personal obligations, but it’s a dangerous road to go down where you neglect to do the things that you did previously without regard and think that the person is just going to stay although they are completely unfulfilled.  They may stick it out for a while, however they are only trying to hold on long enough to give you a chance to get back to where you were…. if that place isn’t anywhere on the horizon you can kiss your relationship goodbye.

It’s such a mistake to let life and all of its obstacles take over so much so that you aren’t tending to home.  It needs to be a main priority for the two of you to get together, spend some quality time and it just be you, no matter what is going on outside.  That time that you spend with you other half should only be about the love that you have and reconnecting with that person.

A FEW IDEAS TO JUMP START YOUR RELATIONSHIP:

• Have a set date night Date night doesn’t have to always be about going out to a restaurant and spending money.  You can create an intimate setting at home where one of you cook or you can make it fun and cook a meal together.  Set the candles, play some soft music and turnoff all distractions so that it’s just the two of you enjoying one another’s company.
• Get a massage together Massages are such stress relievers that it can truly help you to leave all the outside cares behind and enjoy the peace and quiet of just being in each other’s company.  You can take a trip to a day spa or inquire about a masseuse coming to your home for a reasonable price.  I know it’s a recession so buy a massage kit and give each other massages, that works just as well and is also very sensual.
• Get a book of any genre that you both like and take turns reading it to each other.  A sexy story never hurts.
• Compliment each other regularly.  Tell each other how much you appreciate the things they do, or remind them how beautiful or handsome you think they are.

There are tons of things that you can do together to keep the flame glowing but the point is you have to put forth the effort.  The easiest thing to do that you know either one of you would appreciate is continue doing all of the things that you used to do and always find time to reconnect.  I believe this is crucial to long-lasting and satisfying relationships.

I hope that some of these ideas are used and works for you… I’m about to get started planning my next “date night” now!

Happy Dating,

MzCeo

When you become a couple, it is common that you will not hang out with you single friends as often because you are spending time nurturing your relationship.  Your single friends should respect that, of course there are those friends who don’t always understand and feel some type of way about you not being able to hang out as often, but also you have to understand their feelings.  They may feel that way because you are doing things and making new friends with other couples and hanging out in groups and they may feel left out.  Being married or involved doesn’t mean you throw your single friends away and swap them out for a new model… you just enlarge your circle of friends.

I do think that there is a problem with seeking advice on your marriage from single friends.  Reason being is because you don’t know where their advice is coming from.  Yes, they are your friends but that doesn’t mean that everything they tell you is coming from a good place.  Your friends could have had bad relationships and have a jaded view of marriage, there could be underlying jealousy and could give you advice where consciously or unconsciously is not the best for you and your situation.  I am a firm believer that when you are in a relationship that you would like to work, you need to keep you circle of friends positive.  You can’t hang out with the cheated on girlfriend telling you all men are dogs and soon as your man does something she’s telling you that your man is cheating too.  You can’t hang out with the “I HATE ALL MEN” crew and expect to get good sound advice when you have an issue arise.

It would make better sense for you and the security of your relationship to have positive people in your corner for you to turn to and perhaps seek advice if need be. I think as long as you keep your circle positive regardless of if they are single or married that is the key to all healthy relationships.  A negative person is like cancer and spreads like wild fire of which if you decide to stay are doomed.

# 12. Don’t ask questions you really don’t want to hear the answer to… If you do, be prepared to deal with the truth whether it’s GOOD or BAD!

#11. Looks can be deceiving… after you find something that you like stop looking, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. (This rule applies to everything in life.)

#10. Rule of thumb: Don’t jump the gun… just like you should wait for him to say I love you first, don’t change your FB status to “in a relationship: while his still says “single” let him make the first move towards a relationship!

#9. “Witholding from him” in order to teach him a lesson only opens the door to temptation. Keep in mind tht what you won’t do… the next one will!

#8. If a relationship feels like too much work after the first month, it’ll be 10 times harder a year from now. Learn how to cut your losses…

BONUS: Keep it spicy! There’s nothing more boring that predictability! Think outside the box!

#7.  Yes men love an independent girl but that doesn’t mean to act aloof.  Still show him you care and that you have his back!

#6.  Men appreciate a woman’s independence. It turns a guy off to think that they are responsible for your day-to-day happiness. Keep regular dates with your girlfriends or take up a hobby. Moral of the story: KEEP YOUR OWN IDENTITY!

#5.  When a man likes you he will pursue you… Turning the tables around and openly pursuing a man although initially flattering can soon come off desperate and loose and leaves you open to be treated… well, “desperate and loose!”

BONUS: Learn to cook… Cooking breakfast or dinner doesn’t set us back 50yrs! Being domesticated as well as an intelligent business savvy woman only elevates your game!!!

#4.  Check out his friends… If they aren’t about anything 9 times out of 10 neither is he…

BONUS: Infidelity is not inevitable, but fidelity is a gift you give to somebody that you have to work hard at continuing to give…

#3.  If a man breaks up with you out of the blue, the out-of-the-blue part is really only on your end.

#2.   Ladies you CANNOT change him!!! If you look at him as a project he’ll never live up to your expectations… Either love him for who he is right at this moment or leave him alone…

And FINALLY TRUTH #1:

Don’t be tired of fake men be tired of you falling for fake men… There are some good guys out there but you are not doing a good job of weeding through the bad ones to get to the good ones!  Readjust your goggles and see with clear vision!

Thanks for reading!

MzCeo

So to answer my question, can a man and a woman be friends… only to a certain degree. I believe because of the initial attraction that drew you together to even become friends given the right mix of ingredients, i.e. in a weakened state of loneliness, drinks, or a state of realization that you just happen to like this person and they are more than just a friend to you, that the relationship can have the potential to go beyond friendship at some point. Will everyone act on this? No because to some people it’s not worth ruining a friendship if the relationship turns sour, but to some people they figure hey let’s give it a try it’s the best of both worlds and we’re adult enough to try and maintain a friendship after if things don’t work out.

I think where things get sticky is if these “friends” are in relationships with other people. Let’s say he has a girl and she has a man. Is it important to consider how your mate may feel about this relationship/friendship you have with this person of the opposite sex? Yes if you truly care about that person. I know some people are like hey they were my friend before the relationship and they’ll be my friend after and you’re right but at the same time, your friend should respect your relationship. If the girl or guy in your life is reasonably uncomfortable with your friendship and you’re trying to make this serious, then ask your friend to respect that and maybe it’s not cool to call all times of the night or every five minutes. Also, it might be wise to introduce eachother so that way it’s all out in the open and the mate doesn’t feel as intimidated. I think there are ways to handling the opposite sex pro’s and con’s but in most situations they aren’t handled properly and one thing leads to another and things get really messy.

So don’t let go of your friends of the opposite sex just because you have a relationship, after all your friends are your friends and will always have your back. But have an agreement with your friends that you all understand that you’re in a relationship and that should be respected, so if ever comes a time where your significant other has concerns that are reasonable there won’t be any hard feelings if you have to say would you mind falling back a bit. Are you to do that for everyone, no? But for the relationships that are worth it and you’re really trying to work on I say why not!

Happy Dating J Spot Fam!

MzCeo

That line that Chris Tucker made famous several years ago in the movie Rush Hour, is still funny when I think of how he said it, but sometimes you find yourself either asking or wanting to ask someone just like he did, “DO YOU HEAR THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUTTA MY MOUTH?!?” Because the truth is a lot of times people suffer from selective hearing and only hear what they want, rather than listening to exactly what you are trying to say!

Parents, how many times do you say this to your children during the course of the day? It’s like with children, they rarely hear exactly what you tell them. You can look them in the eyes and have total silence in the background, tell them to do something and half of what you said will get accomplished. Then when you ask what happened they’ll say “oh I thought you said…” and rattle off something that was somewhat true! Well maybe that’s just in my house! LOL

Fellas, how many times have you found yourself in a situation where there is a woman who you’ve kicked it with and maybe she is ready for more than you are at the time and of course she’s shooting you signs and maybe is even bold enough to come right out and tell you her thoughts and asks you yours. Since she was so upfront, you respected that and you decided to be upfront as well so that you didn’t lead her on. You confessed that you liked her but you weren’t quite ready for what she was ready for. She looked at you for a moment, you thought that she followed but in the coming weeks, she proceeded in such a manner that you wondered if she had actually heard the words that were coming from out of your mouth! What happened there? Did she really not hear you or was she just determined to make you feel the same way she felt whether you liked it or not!?! It makes you wonder sometimes.

Ladies, we all know that we’ve done this at some point in our lives. It’s like there is literally a disconnect from what’s coming out of his mouth and what is going into our ears! Is it like in that movie, “He’s Just not that into you” that our girlfriends always have a way of telling us a little story of how they know of a great relationship that came about after a guy said something similar and now they live happily ever after? That can’t be it, or can it? The problem with that is that we start to believe what we want to believe rather than what is truth. We continue to act as if this man is feeling one way about us and when he finally says, “do you hear the words that are coming out of my mouth??” we’re shocked and appalled! If a man shows you his true colors believe him, don’t try and paint yourself a new picture!

Furthermore we have to listen not just when he tells us that he’s not ready for what we are. We have to pay attention to who he is PERIOD! We have to stop getting sucked in because we see a “project” that we can take on and we can mold him into this great man because it’ll just suck you dry! If a man shows you that he’s irresponsible, believe it! Take him for what he is or don’t take him at all. If he shows himself as a cheater, believe it! Don’t think after the ring that magically his cheating tendencies will stop because they won’t, it’ll only become worse! If he’s not taking care of the child(ren) that he currently has, don’t fool yourself into thinking that if you have a baby with him that he’ll take care of yours, it just won’t happen! I know sometimes we can’t help ourselves, but we have just got to start believing what we see. Yes a man can have potential and we can have faith, but with that there also must be action on his part. Someone can have all the potential of the world but if they do not act on that potential what good is it?

Just some food for thought…

Love Live Life,

MzCeo

Let’s face it, men parent differently from women.  And men have a special relationship with their daughters as do moms with our sons.  I believe that’s why God intended for there to be two parents in the home.  There’s some things that only a man can teach a man and a woman can teach a woman.  There are also only some things that only a mother could teach her son and a father can teach his daughter.  All of us have our own styles of teaching and parenting.  Men tend to be more hard on their boys and soft as pie with their daughters while moms are the exact opposite we tend to be a little tougher with our girls but are total pushovers for our boys… but in general, fathers are the disciplinarians of the household, while the mothers can get the same thing accomplished but has a softer way of doing things.  Unless the mother is playing both roles, then she has to learn very quickly how to get rough when she needs to especially if she has boys.  For the single dads out there, they have to also compensate for the lack of estrogen, if there is no mom involved and have to learn quick how to nurture because that’s one of the main things that we bring to the table.

Raising children is hard enough when their your own flesh and blood, but sometimes it can be even harder when they aren’t.  The reason I bring this up is because the truth is, it’s becoming more and more of a rarity find to find a man without children, you’re shocked enough if you were to find out that they ONLY have one!  As well as it’s hard to come across a woman with out one or more child.  I think nowadays, we’re more surprised if someone doesn’t have children rather than to find out that they do.  We all have a past and our children are just the blessings that come from those past situations.  I think what issues we sometimes face in blending a family is understanding that there are going to be differences in the way we parent.  I mean we come from different families and the way we were brought up may not necessarily be the same as our counterparts, so they would have picked up on somethings differently than us, correct?

With that being said… as with relationships, communication is absolutely key when it comes to raising children especially when they are not biologically yours.  The reason I stress the fact that communication is so important, is because it’s hard enough dealing with the ups and downs of a relationship as it is, throw some kids in the mix, yours or not and it is bound to be a few mountains to climb.  I remember Lyfe Jennings wrote a song called “She’s got kids,” he lets you in on some hesitation a man may face when getting involved with a woman who has children and ladies, don’t get offended, because I’m sure we’ve all had times where maybe we thought twice about dealing with a man because they had children.  It may not have been for the same reasons that Lyfe sings about but, he has confessed some real feelings that someone may have before considering a serious relationship.  The song reads like this:

“I know a lot of women gonna hate it
but, somebody’s gotta say it
And so I nominated myself to deliver the news
that its hard for a man to choose a lady
that already got a baby
Although his feelings may be strong
Having kids that don’t belong to him
holding on to him somehow seems wrong to him
Exposing them to a man who may one day decide
he’s tired of the family life
And now he’s gotta tell that little girl a goodbye lie
when he’s the only Dad she’s ever had in her life
I don’t wanna take that chance please don’t take offense
it’s just the thought of hurting somebody that was innocent

[Chorus:]
She got kids
And I don’t know if I’m ready to give
Them the things that they need to live
‘Cause if we become more than just friends what I do for her I gotta do for them kids
She got kids
And I just wanna make sure this is
more than just some sexual trip
See all I wanna do is prevent those kids from getting hurt again

Most men think it but they’ll never say it
but what if ya’ll had another baby
And he’s accused of choosing favorites, and they’re right
Would he be wrong for loving his own flesh and blood a little more
Is he being human or only being immature
who’s to say
that’s why it’s better just to wait
take love day to day
and let love spread its own wings
and if it wants to fly away or if it decides to stay
it wont be because of any unrealistic expectations ya’ll done made
and he wont have to pray that little girl ain’t awake
when he tiptoe out the door so he won’t have to explain
I don’t wanna take that chance please don’t take offense
I just don’t need that kinda drama on my conscience”

These are things things we really do need to think about prior to getting in a relationship with someone who already has children… take our time introducing the kids, but not too long that you already like this person and are going to try and push him/her on the kids… like them enough to trust them but not enough as to where if thing didn’t work out you’d be upset.  Let the relationship evolve on it’s own, stop rushing into things with someone and if you do make across the threshold into relationship territory, keep the waves of communication open between the parents and the children, constantly working on the relationship.  It won’t always be easy but it’ll definitely be rewarding.

Love Live Life,

MzCeo

Alright fellas, we have had it!! What is up with you guys being so disrespectful!  Nowadays it seems like two minutes into an introduction with a guy and he’s already steering the conversation to sex with slick comments!  And then when you call him on it, he says something like, “I was just tryna see where your head was” Hmph… Are you kidding me??? Because if I was down, you wouldn’t have been trying to see where my head was!  Why are men seemingly totally comfortable speaking to us this way? Are we women lowering our standards that much that we accept this kind of behavior? Is that why they feel it is ok to talk to us that way or are these men bred to be awfully bold? I think we have to take the blame on this, at least the women that are accepting this behavior need to, because they are the ones who are making it bad for all of the rest of us.

Thank God I’m out of the rat race, however this is for my girls that are still out there trying to find Mr. Right, but first have to weed through all the nonsense!

And guys why in this day and age are you so quick to talk about sex with all that’s out there, sex isn’t just sex anymore…. those days of “free love” are long gone!  These days we have got to be more discerning about who we date and what we do with these people don’t you think? Not everyone deserves a cookie for your cookie jar.  I know there’s a double standard when it comes to men and women and their sexuality, men the more you bed the more manly you are considered, but even you could learn to slow it down because you being so quick to “take her down” could leave you with more than you bargained for.  Ladies, I know we’re in the year of 2010 and you feel all liberated and think that you can do anything a man does, but there are some things that we were taught that defines a lady that shouldn’t be tossed to the side.  We need to stop being so quick to give it up because he’s cute or has a slick tongue because we’re getting left with the short end of the stick.  STD’s take longer to manifest in a woman because our organs are internal therefore can do much more harm to us than to a man, so let’s stop giving ourselves a bad name.

Back to you “men” I know when you’re still young you are out there trying to sow your wild oats, and when you finally bump into Mrs. Right you’ll most likely calm down… but what happens when Mrs. Right considers you Mr. Wrong because of your past, wouldn’t that just be unfortunate? I know I’m not going to stop every guy from being just who they are by reading this article, but I do hope that some smart guy out there will think twice before being so slick with the tongue.  I mean you are who you attract, so if you want to attract a good woman, then you in turn have to be a good man… and ladies the same rule works for you, if you want to attract a good man, you have to be a good woman! Do your homework, know what it is a man expects from a woman and be prepared to do that.  Some of us ladies are too independent for our own good, we don’t want to cook and don’t know how, we don’t want to clean and we don’t want to nurture or be attentive… I’m sorry ladies… I don’t know not one man who would be ok with that for long… there’s only so much you can do in the bedroom that will keep his attention.  Learn to take care of your men as well as be that business woman you have to be a triple threat, beauty, brains and well booty! lol

So as I beg for the real men, the gentleman to stand to their feet… I ask of you real women to stand up.  That’s the only way you’ll ever find eachother.

Happy Dating,

MzCeo