Let’s face it, men parent differently from women. And men have a special relationship with their daughters as do moms with our sons. I believe that’s why God intended for there to be two parents in the home. There’s some things that only a man can teach a man and a woman can teach a woman. There are also only some things that only a mother could teach her son and a father can teach his daughter. All of us have our own styles of teaching and parenting. Men tend to be more hard on their boys and soft as pie with their daughters while moms are the exact opposite we tend to be a little tougher with our girls but are total pushovers for our boys… but in general, fathers are the disciplinarians of the household, while the mothers can get the same thing accomplished but has a softer way of doing things. Unless the mother is playing both roles, then she has to learn very quickly how to get rough when she needs to especially if she has boys. For the single dads out there, they have to also compensate for the lack of estrogen, if there is no mom involved and have to learn quick how to nurture because that’s one of the main things that we bring to the table.
Raising children is hard enough when their your own flesh and blood, but sometimes it can be even harder when they aren’t. The reason I bring this up is because the truth is, it’s becoming more and more of a rarity find to find a man without children, you’re shocked enough if you were to find out that they ONLY have one! As well as it’s hard to come across a woman with out one or more child. I think nowadays, we’re more surprised if someone doesn’t have children rather than to find out that they do. We all have a past and our children are just the blessings that come from those past situations. I think what issues we sometimes face in blending a family is understanding that there are going to be differences in the way we parent. I mean we come from different families and the way we were brought up may not necessarily be the same as our counterparts, so they would have picked up on somethings differently than us, correct?
With that being said… as with relationships, communication is absolutely key when it comes to raising children especially when they are not biologically yours. The reason I stress the fact that communication is so important, is because it’s hard enough dealing with the ups and downs of a relationship as it is, throw some kids in the mix, yours or not and it is bound to be a few mountains to climb. I remember Lyfe Jennings wrote a song called “She’s got kids,” he lets you in on some hesitation a man may face when getting involved with a woman who has children and ladies, don’t get offended, because I’m sure we’ve all had times where maybe we thought twice about dealing with a man because they had children. It may not have been for the same reasons that Lyfe sings about but, he has confessed some real feelings that someone may have before considering a serious relationship. The song reads like this:
“I know a lot of women gonna hate it
but, somebody’s gotta say it
And so I nominated myself to deliver the news
that its hard for a man to choose a lady
that already got a baby
Although his feelings may be strong
Having kids that don’t belong to him
holding on to him somehow seems wrong to him
Exposing them to a man who may one day decide
he’s tired of the family life
And now he’s gotta tell that little girl a goodbye lie
when he’s the only Dad she’s ever had in her life
I don’t wanna take that chance please don’t take offense
it’s just the thought of hurting somebody that was innocent
[Chorus:]
She got kids
And I don’t know if I’m ready to give
Them the things that they need to live
‘Cause if we become more than just friends what I do for her I gotta do for them kids
She got kids
And I just wanna make sure this is
more than just some sexual trip
See all I wanna do is prevent those kids from getting hurt again
Most men think it but they’ll never say it
but what if ya’ll had another baby
And he’s accused of choosing favorites, and they’re right
Would he be wrong for loving his own flesh and blood a little more
Is he being human or only being immature
who’s to say
that’s why it’s better just to wait
take love day to day
and let love spread its own wings
and if it wants to fly away or if it decides to stay
it wont be because of any unrealistic expectations ya’ll done made
and he wont have to pray that little girl ain’t awake
when he tiptoe out the door so he won’t have to explain
I don’t wanna take that chance please don’t take offense
I just don’t need that kinda drama on my conscience”
These are things things we really do need to think about prior to getting in a relationship with someone who already has children… take our time introducing the kids, but not too long that you already like this person and are going to try and push him/her on the kids… like them enough to trust them but not enough as to where if thing didn’t work out you’d be upset. Let the relationship evolve on it’s own, stop rushing into things with someone and if you do make across the threshold into relationship territory, keep the waves of communication open between the parents and the children, constantly working on the relationship. It won’t always be easy but it’ll definitely be rewarding.
Love Live Life,
MzCeo
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Zarinah
